How to Spot Narcissistic Abuse
The word “narcissist” gets thrown around quite a lot in today’s social media-based culture. Does someone in your circle constantly post selfies? They must be a narcissist. Does one of your friends always need to talk about themselves? They might be a narcissist.
In fact, everyone displays a bit of narcissism from time to time. True narcissists—those that meet the official criteria as set out by the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders)—are not particularly common. Yet for those people who have encountered a true narcissist, whether as part of their family, in a romantic relationship, or even at work, the consequences can be emotionally devastating.
Simply put, a narcissist is someone who projects an idealized self-image of power and confidence in order to avoid feeling—and projecting—their true vulnerability and emotional damage. Narcissists couple extreme selfishness and self-importance with a complete lack of empathy or understanding for others. They are highly manipulative in order to maintain their ego-centric self-image.
Healthy, loving relationships with a narcissist are nearly impossible. In the narcissist’s world, other people exist only feed their self-esteem and idealized self-image.
So what are the most common signs that someone in your life is a narcissist?
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
“Narcissist” is short-hand for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD. Cluster B mental disorders like NPD are characterized by individuals who have trouble regulating their emotions appropriately. Other Cluster B disorders include antisocial personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.
According to the DSM-5, there are nine symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. An individual may display a couple of these symptoms without having NPD. To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, an individual must demonstrate at least five of these symptoms over the long term
The nine symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder are:
An exaggerated sense of self-importance
A pre-occupation with or excessive fantasizing about power, success, intelligence, and/or beauty
The need for excessive admiration
A belief that they are special or unique in some way
A feeling of entitlement
Frequently engages in exploitative or manipulative behavior towards others
A lack of sincere empathy
Jealousy or envy of others, or the belief that everyone else is jealous of them
Excessively arrogant or haughty attitude or behaviors
How to Recognize a Narcissist
So what do these nine signs mean? While a psychiatrist might not have any trouble identifying a true narcissist based on these official symptoms, the signs of narcissism aren’t always as clear cut in everyday life.
How do you know if someone you love or work with is a narcissist?
Here are a few warning signs to look out for.
Lack of boundaries:
A narcissist is unable to recognize or respect normal, healthy boundaries set by others. This can take the form of “love-bombing” at the beginning of a relationship, for instance, demanding access to your social media pages, texts, or emails, or refusing to respect personal or emotional distance.
Monopolizing the conversation:
A narcissist will always find a way to turn any conversation to him- or herself. They will be unwilling to allow anyone else to be the topic of discussion or center of attention, and show a distain for listening to your problems, concerns, or issues.
Constant need for praise:
For some narcissists, simply being the center of attention is not enough. A narcissist requires outside praise and even adulation from you in order to prop up and reinforce their idealized self-image.
An inflated sense of self-importance:
Narcissists believe that they are special, unique, or somehow more deserving than others. They will often exaggerate their own power, wealth, beauty, or status as part of their need to demonstrate their self-importance.
Excessive need for control:
The need for obsessive control is an essential defense mechanism for the narcissist. By gaining control over others, the narcissist is protecting him- or herself against any situation which might undermine their self-image.
Emotional manipulation:
Emotional manipulation is at the center of any relationship with a narcissist. He or she will do anything necessary to maintain their sense of control and domination over others around them. Guilt, gaslighting, denial, lies and misrepresentation, and triangulation are some of the most common and most destructive techniques to keep you from asserting your boundaries, rights, and feelings over those of the narcissist.
Lack of responsibility (shaming and blaming):
A narcissist, by definition, does not believe he or she can do anything wrong. Therefore, he or she is incapable of taking the blame or acknowledging a mistake. He or she will go to almost any length to convince you that you are at fault in any situation.
What if you are in a relationship with a narcissist?
Unfortunately, narcissists rarely acknowledge that they are narcissists, and rarely seek help. Their lack of empathy and self-reflection make it nearly impossible for them to accept that they might have a problem, or be the problem.
You cannot change a narcissist, nor are you responsible for their behavior. You are, however, responsible for your own behavior. Self-care may demand that you walk away from an unhealthy relationship. And most importantly, self-care may demand that you seek help before and after you leave the relationship, to help you cope with the emotional damage the relationship caused.
With that in mind, here are 12 signs that might suggest you've experienced narcissistic abuse:
They seemed so perfect — at first.
People doubt the abuse took place.
They've started a smear campaign.
You feel isolated.
You freeze up.
You have trouble making decisions.
You always feel like you've done something wrong.
You have unexplained physical symptoms.
You feel restless and unsettled.
You don’t recognize yourself.
You have trouble setting boundaries.
You have symptoms of anxiety and depression. Read more.
A therapist who specializes in abuse recovery can validate your experience, help you understand that you aren’t at fault, and offer support through the early stages of recovery.
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Collaborative Therapeutic Services (CTS) wants to help. We offer a variety of counselling and therapy services, hours, and service providers with diverse specializations. We offer evening & weekend appointments in office or by TeleHealth conferencing.
Have questions? Contact Us Here or Call 813-951-7346. Located in Tampa, Florida. Ask us about our new NEUROLEASE® TREATMENT THERAPY - A cutting edge treatment for releasing toxic emotions.